The Asylum...

So tired...

2008-02-04T02:22:33Z

I wish life would get easy and stay easy. I wish when people told you they love you they meant it. I've done it to. I've told someone I loved them without meaning it. Is this my payback?

No. Because I was left behind and handed my heart back before I threw it at someone else to handle. I hate having my own heart. It seems, as of late, that I give it away and get it returned all scarred up and whatnot. At that point it's easier to hand it to someone else. Now it's with me and I cannot pawn it off. I really want to try and care for and nurture it, but I want so much to trade with someone as well.

Ever feel like the world's against you? I didn't feel that way before. Not that I recall anyway. I knew that it was mostly my fault and honestly enjoyed the angst. But now... I don't know what I did wrong. I don't know why people won't talk to me, what I did wrong to hurt them or what I can do to make any of it better. What hurts is that I know only time can truly heal these things, but I feel so alone right now. I want everything to be okay now.

I know I have 2 or 3 friends who would try to help me with this, but all they would be doing is patching it up in the mean-time. What I need, what I want, is to talk with people, to fix this all. But I can't if they won't talk to me.

I am really tired of crying. I am really tired of being alone with my hearts. I am so very exhausted. I want to sleep. And I don't want to wake up until this is all better.

...wow

2007-11-26T07:13:32Z

So life has come at me fast and I'm very proud of how well I've been doing. Very proud, I've been doing very good. Like, awesomely so.

I've been wanting to write lately. Maybe it's because I know NaNoWriMo is going on... maybe.

I've been obsessing over Natalie Walker. Especially Waking Dream. It's such a good song.

Well, I guess I could sum up what went on in my life, but then what reason would you have to talk to me? None. I know what happened and that's good enough, if you want to know, ask.

How awesome is it that I can say that?! I think it's pretty cool.

Well, I guess I could tell you what's going well in my life right now. Although that list seems like it might be on the long side. But oh well, it's nice. And I said I wanted to write didn't I?

So I'm dating an awesomely amazing and sweet guy. He's nerdy, but not overly so. He's affectionate and warm. ^_^ Unfortunately he's going to U of O next fall. Sure I'm sad about this now, but will I be then? I don't know, I hope so, as odd as that sounds. He reads really quickly and wants his Bachelor's in American History or Political Science. The kind of creepy part is that he's exactly one year younger than my last boyfriend. Yeah, their birthday is the same day, one year apart.

I have an amazing job. I love it. I helped create and now maintain, on my own, a tracking system for returning books with an online high school. Basically collections, but that doesn't sound as impressive now does it? XD My supervisor went through several temps before I got there and so far I'm the one she's liked the most, apparently and according to the receptionist, Emilie. Emilie, who is awesome, by the way. She and I hang out, go to Powell's and go to coffee, she's really awesome.

I just moved in with Corin. It seems so strange to me that I'm out on my own, but I am. It's an amazing feeling. I don't know any other way to explain it, and I don't think I need any other way. I can't wait to start school, as I expect myself to. I also expect myself to do well.

Well, I have work in the morning, so I should go to bed. Actually, I'm probably going to talk to my boyfriend, read and then attempt to sleep. ^_^;

Wow.

2007-09-23T18:03:31Z

Okay, so it looks like it has only bee two weeks since I last updated... I think, but it seems like a lot longer than that.

I'm leaving for bootcamp next Monday. I'm seriously stressing out now. I'm so scared I won't make it. That I can't cut it and that I'll just be sent home for being fat. hahaha.

My boyfriend and I are... ending. I'm trying to figure out how I feel about that. Our relationship has been so laid back and easy that it's like 'whatever', but at the same time I like that it's so easy. I know I have to move on and finally start my life, so I guess it's all okay.

We were supposed to have a nice Birthday/Going away party last night, but one of our friends decided he didn't want to go and didn't bother to tell anyone. Which was really inconvenient because he was some other friends' ride. So it was just me, Kyle, Kurt and Kalem.

Wow, I really can't stay away from having friends with the 'K' sound beginning, can I? Hahaha, didn't learn my lesson the first couple times, huh?

Oh, and please forgive my terrible grammar, I'm really stressing out, all shakey 'cause it's cold and slightly hung over. But only slightly. ^_^;

I really wish Barry could have been here because he's so cool. Darn.

I guess I really don't have much else to update with, so... I'm done. ^_^

I'm home

2007-08-15T00:56:32Z

And I totally kicked arse on the D-lab todday. Okay, so maybe not kicked arse, but damn near close. I passed and I qualify for the language I want.

So there we go.

And how is Ruschè online? She's at a friend's house. Yes, a friend. I am a sad person, but very happy now. xDDDD

So anywasy!

Work is boring, but pay friggin' awesome ($12 and hour no tax) and I find out Friday how long I'm going to be in this Delayed Entry Program. Right now I'm scheduled to leave for bootcamp on the first of October, but with my new career change (FUCKIIN YAY) it may be a lot later.... not sure. I also found out that the sign-on bonus for my new rate (career) goes up by $4,000 in January. ::shrug::

But anyway. Gotta get back to hanging out. w00t!

Devious Journal Entry

2007-07-25T14:39:43Z

Largest Oak Tree in Texas by ~DonnaGolden on deviant ART

Cool.

aoikitsune @ 2007-07-22T13:49:00

2007-07-22T20:52:01Z

I wish summers were the way they used to be, you know, before we grew up. When summer was just a time where you could hang out with whoever (usually the kid with the A/C at their house). When you would mow the lawn for your dad to get a couple bucks to spend at the store. And going to the store with your friend was your whole day. You didn't need plans to entertain yourself and you didn't need money. When you didn't care if your clothes were dirty or if you sweat like a pig, you never really noticed. When we didn't have bills, or drugs, or sex, or responsibility. When the worst fight with your best friend was over a toy not dating or suicide.

I guess after so many years of feeling like an adult, now that I am one I just want to be a kid again. Things were so simple back then. Hormones didn't screw with your head, you didn't hate your parents, the family dog was your second best friend and you could have fun all day with a ball. A freaking ball. That's all you needed.

I've never had such horribly strong nostalgia before...

aoikitsune @ 2007-07-19T14:31:00

2007-07-19T21:32:45Z

Let Ruschè expand your mind with her bad techno.

O_O

That link is only good for 7 days. So it expires Thursday, July 26th 2007. FYI.

^_^;

Edit: Please comment if you take, like or hate. Sorry, it's REALLY repetitive. I didn't realize it was six minutes long until I had already exported it. I need to cut it in half, there's a good stopping point somewhere in the middle, but I got carried away. XD

It's been done.

2007-07-03T19:04:53Z

I have joined the Military. Officially I swore in Friday night roughly at 10:30 pm.

I think that was the longest fucking day of my life.

I met a lot of great people, and a couple cute guys. It only fuels my fire to get the fuck out of my dreary, boring life and join the Navy. Now I want to leave in 45 days. But for now I'm enjoying my vacation. Well, trying. For some reason I'm not allowing myself the full pleasure of being with my best/only current friends. And I haven't been geeking out at all.

I've been talking to Cat and Chelsea. I guess I never really realized how awesomely cool they are.

So I'll be going to lunch with mein mother in an hour or so. Apparently she's moving a bunch of furniture and was nice enough (I really mean that, I'm not bein sarcastic) to call and tell me she might be a bit late. I'm so glad to see her grow like this. I love my mom to death. So after lunch I think I might go with her and Charlie to Chuck's house. Maybe Io can convince him to let me borrow/burn a copy of that CD I bought him. XDDDDDD

Thanks to Laura, I really want ice cream and to buy Julieta Venegas CDs. XD Now I wish I had stuck it out and learned Spanish. Japanese seems so useless to me now, but that's probably because I'm sitting here on Corin's compy and listening to Julieta Venegas. She's so awesome. O_O And hawt. O_O I hate her.

Awkward. I think that's the second time I've thought of another woman like that in a long time. And I think I caught myself flirting with Chelsea. wtf. Right. So moving on.

So ... yeah. ^_^;

::tries to think of more to update with::

::shrug::

I guess if I think of something I'll come back. Para mira!/Mitte!/But hey! Look! I'm online! It's crazy!

::dance::

aoikitsune @ 2007-06-14T15:12:00

2007-06-14T22:13:08Z

Byron is 35.

ô.o

Hol-E-Crap.

aoikitsune @ 2007-06-11T16:20:00

2007-06-11T23:24:12Z

rawffle

and

Artist: Madonna
Album: Like a Prayer
Song: Dear Jessie

Baby face don´t grow so fast
Make a special wish that will always last
Rub this magic lantern
He will make your dreams come true for you

Ride the rainbow to the other side
Catch a falling star and then take a ride
To the river that sings and the clover that
Brings good luck to you, it´s all true

[Chorus:]

Pink elephants and lemonade, dear Jessie
Hear the laughter running through the love parade
Candy kisses and a sunny day, dear Jessie
See the roses raining on the love parade

If the land of make believe
Is inside your heart it will never leave
There´s a golden gate where the fairies all wait
And dancing moons, for you

Close your eyes and you´ll be there
Where the mermaids sing as they comb their hair
Like a fountain of gold you can never grow old
Where dreams are made, your love parade

[Chorus]

Your dreams are made inside the love parade
It´s a holiday inside the love parade

On the merry-go-round of lovers and white turtle doves
Leprechauns floating by, this is your lullaby
Sugarplum fingertips kissing your honey lips
Close your eyes sleepy head, is it time for your bed
Never forget what I said, hang on you´re already there

Close your eyes and you´ll be there
Where the mermaids sing as they comb their hair
Like a fountain of gold you can never grow old
Where dreams are made, your love parade

[Chorus]

aoikitsune @ 2007-06-09T14:31:00

2007-06-09T21:42:55Z

House Is Not My Home
by Zebrahead

Well I'm tired, so tired of getting up and wasting another day
I wish the picture on the wall would still say it all
But now yesterday is so far away
And I would give anything, say anything
To keep it all like it was
But you just throw it all away
And I think this house is not my home
I think that I'd rather be alone tonight
I'm trying, trying to fake it
I'm tired, so tired, of giving up and taking all the blame
I wish the shouting and the fights would stop for the night
Can't close my eyes and make them all go away
And I would give anything, say anything
To keep it all like it was
But you just throw it all away

This is the part where you say
You can't stay together just for me
This is the part where you make me choose
On whose side I want to be
This is the part where you decide
What's going to be best for me
This is the start
Now we grow apart

Falling Apart
By Zebrahead

Stutter step through another trap set by deception
Mention rejection
Always lies in your eyes
Settles in your action
Jeopardize everything that I want
And I won't compromise anything anymore
In any way victimize myself any more
Liberty (YEAH)
Manipulations on my mind
Expectations well defined
Frustrate me
Liberate me
Cause everything's falling apart
You can't control me, You can't control me
Everything's falling apart

Now I can't see you
Doesn't matter what I do
I can't see you
Cause everything's falling apart
I got exposed to a deeper form of infection
Shout out "I need acception"
Always lies in your eyes
Settles in your action
Criticize everything that I do
And I will overcome anything that's in store
Nevermore look up to you and adore
Liberty (YEAH)

Manipulation is on my mind
Inspect me - try to check me
Expectations well defined
Dissect me - want to wreck me
Violator of my own will
Accept me - reject me
Separate or SHOOT TO KILL

Devious Journal Entry

2007-06-06T19:06:54Z

Invention by *kris-wilson on deviant ART

He rawks so hard. XDDDD

aoikitsune @ 2007-05-29T10:45:00

2007-05-29T17:48:38Z

I want to update... and post something, but I don't know what to say...

XD

Edit:

"You're short but you're cute."

He totally made my day. *^_^*

Edit 2:

Radio Commercial:

"Volkswagen, German engineering without the German price."

WTF?! We got rid of the people who jack prices up! Well... we tried. XDDDD Well, we didn't try ti get rid of people like my boss. That's our next target. >.> Shhh...

Roffles. I'm totally kidding! Please don't take offense! XDD

I said I would post this for Corin.

2007-05-26T19:09:59Z

It's a really good one. Compliments of moi. ^_^

A Thoughtful Haiku...

2007-05-01T23:13:24Z

Haikus are easy
But somtimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator

Thank you Threadless.com

aoikitsune @ 2007-04-26T12:47:00

2007-04-26T19:48:58Z

I'm fucking tired

::whine grumble snore::

-_-

Something from Going Postal by Terry Pratchett

2007-04-20T21:16:36Z

This is a very good book so far (I'm only on page 69, man has my reading slowed down. ;_; ). Thanks Corin for suggesting it! ^u^/

Here's my favorite character description so far. This guy isn't a main character (as far as I can tell), but his description is priceless! XD

"'Crispin Horsefry, my lord, and I don't like your tone of questioning!'

For a moment it seemd that even the chairs themselves edged away from him. Mr. Horsefry was a fyoungish man, not simply running to fat but vaulting, leaping and diving toward obesity. He had aquired, at thirty, an impressive selection of chins, and now they wobbled with angry pride.*

* It is wrong to judge by appearences. Despite his expression, which was of a piglet having a bright idea, and his mode of speech, which might put you in mind of a small, breathless, neurotic, but ridiculously expensive dog, Mr. Horsefry might well have been a kind, generous, and pious man. In the same way, the man climbing out of your window in a stripy jumper, a mask, and a great hurry might merely be lost on the way to a fancy-dress party, and the man in the wig and robes at the focus of the courtroom might only be a transvestite who wandered in out of the rain. Snap judgements can be so unfair."

ROFL... transvestites. XDDDDDDD

Please Help!!

2007-04-19T18:32:21Z

Does anyone know what the name of this Korean song is? You can download it from that link.

I'm pretty sure it's by Lee Jung Hyun, but I could be wrong, please tell me! x.X

aoikitsune @ 2007-04-17T10:15:00

2007-04-17T17:15:22Z

I ♥ veggies.

Best Song EVAR!

2007-04-07T18:27:38Z

What can I say? Caitlin got me addicted to this song and now I can't listen to it enough. ^_^;

Goodbye...

2007-04-02T20:12:03Z

After so many years of hardship she can finally rest in peace because we're all where we're supposed to be. Healthy and nearly happy.

Friends/Me Only

2007-03-15T04:33:28Z

Hummingbirds... and stuff

2007-01-30T16:39:54Z

So there's a new girl here, she's going to replace Lissete (who leaves tomorrow). Laura, she's very nice and is teaching me Spanish one word at a time. XDDD

Anyway. Yesterday a hummingbird got stuck in the store. x.X I was really sad. But everytime it flew over me, I freaked. >_< It reminded me of a giant bug. ::shudder::

We eventually got it out of the store. But I ended up staying half an hour late because I didn't want to leave it with Lissete, G and Laura. Not that they're not capable, but I was just worried that no one would leave me a note and I would find it dead in the store. x.X

::shrugs:: I guess that's it for updating. ^_^;;

Other than the Matches concert on Saturday Lissete and I are going to! YAY!

Oh, and being skinny is still weird. XD

Everyday

2007-01-22T23:34:29Z

Everyday you learn something new. Today I learned a few. I guess I'm making up for lost time. ^_^;

I learned that I'm going to miss Lissete when she leaves. I learned that being skinny is weird, fun, but weird. I also learned that Pink is not dead. XDDD

I left work two hours early (nothing abnormal, seeing as we don't really have a set schedule and why get paid for hours I'm not working?) and walked home. It was really nice. Like a cool summer day with a nice breeze. You know that summer dead time? That period during the day when it's too hot to move so no one's outside? Well that's what it was like. It was SO nice!

OH! And the main thing I learned today? I can't play Mario Kart DS and walk at the same time! XDDDDDDD

Want an awesome Pink song? The lyrics are awesome, AND the Indigo Girls are in it! XD here it is.

Heart's Racing

2007-01-20T01:15:38Z

So I found out that Lissete is quitting. She gave her two week notice... two days ago now. She's been the only person I talk to that's close to my age. My boss is really fun to talk to. He's had a full and interesting life. He worked for NASA and has owned at least 4 businesses. Today I convinced him to play Go-fish with me during a slow period. XD It was really entertaining. Then I taught him Crazy 8's, which was also entertaining, even though he kept winning.

So I think I may have an addiction to buying CDs online. ^_^;; I'm trying to keep away from buying the Soundtracks to Pan's Labyrinth and Children of Men (Which was SOOOOO good I'm going to buy it when it comes out). The other day I bought Pink, Fort Minor, and.... Chelo. ^_^;; So I'm good until my next pay check. I still need to buy a PS2, which was what I was supposed to do today after work. But it's been nice to just sit around and surf the web (for once in my life).

I guess I don't have much more to update with, I just wanted to put it out there that I'm still alive (because SO many people on lj care). ^_^;;